“Listen here, you little shit,” Cyg growled, holding the crab at arm’s length like the parasite she was, “I’m not eating your stupid life-affirming mushrooms and you gotta stop shoving them in my face while I’m sleeping.”

The daycare attendant gave them a strange look. Cyg plastered on a weak smile, all but throwing the Paras across the counter.

“Enjoy. Don’t trust any food she tries to offer you.”

And she’s gone.

Cremini, doomed to wander the playground and try and offer heart-healthy, nutrient-rich mushrooms to any who would spare her a second; because she cared about their health! Not at all because that was what the parasitic spores were telling her to do.

She approached a rather surly-looking cat with her spotted offering in hand.

Try a mushroom? They’re good for facial wrinkles. You look like you could use the help.

Fae Madden

The cat knocks away the mushroom, sending it flipping down to the floor where it lands with a peachy puff of spores.

Cremini’s eyes widen and freeze.

That’s okay, she says, pulling another mushroom from the collection atop her back, I have more.

And she shoves it into the cat’s face.

Fae Madden

Cremini can’t help the deranged giggle that escapes her as the cat jumps three feet in the air, back arched, fur rising. Up and over he goes, landing on his feet (unfortunate) next to where he’d knocked her first mushroom.

Really, try a mushroom, Cremini urges, peering over the edge like Leonidas into the Spartan pit, they help calm the nerves.

An angry swipe of claws neatly chiffonades the mushroom.

They’re yummy sliced up, too, she says, spitting purple poison powder down on top of him.

Fae Madden

She’s not actually the child of the devil but she is slightly unhinged. Did you see the Paras in Legends: Arceus?

The cat launches up at her through a cloud of purple and arcs high above her head, landing on her back and swiping at her furiously. He slices through her mushroom stalks and prompts more to sprout up in their place, littering the ground with the soft, delicious fungus. His claws leave pale marks in her exo-skeleton but don’t do much to damage the softness within.

In a break between blows she rolls over and makes to bite at the cat’s back paw with leech life.

They’re wonderful for circulation and hand-paw coordination, she grits through clenched teeth.

Fae Madden

Revitalized and left with little more than a mouthful of fur, Cremini stares in the direction the cat bolted. Then, with a shrug, she turns away, and moves on to find her next victim potential customer.

Try a mushroom?

Fae Madden